And in this case, I'm going to mention my incredible daughter, Finley.
She is funny, bright, charming, a little devilish, and she also has a sensory processing disorder. It makes most days a challenge. We have meltdowns (not tantrums) over nothing, out of nowhere. We have moments where she doesn't want to be talked to or touched, and we have days of not leaving the house.
We used to go to Occupational Therapy every week, and also a pediatric psychologist once a week, but we're taking a break from that right now. We're trying to just deal with whatever comes our way, and try to figure out solutions to our 'issues.'
But guess what? It's taken me nearly three years of realizing this to get to this point. A point where I can say "So what?!" Is it terrible that a child doesn't want to always play with the other kids? So, she'll turn out to be an adult that may not be the life of a party, or dancing on tables, and that, my friends, is probably a good thing. ;)
So what if it takes her abut an hour to warm up to new scenarios....that just means I can save my money now on all those Mommy and Me classes and gymnastics and ballet etc since she would sit on my lap the first hour (being the entire class) and in the end I save a bunch of money. :)
So what if it takes about 20 minutes to dress her in the mornings? I just have to wake up to the sunshine that much earlier (ok, this one may be more of an annoyance than I am admitting to, haha!).... But the point is "SO WHAT!"
I mean, she's healthy. We have a roof over our heads. She has an amazing wardrobe (materialistic, I know, but she has clothes, many kids don't!) and we have the most incredible loving family. It's taken me quite a while, but I know I am not alone in dealing with a 'difficult' child, and I know that while this used to concern me and occupy my brain most of my waking moments, now I can sit back and tell myself 'It's going to be OK." We're lucky, because I know that's true. It took stopping all those appointments with specialists to gain a little perspective.
xo
Shari
Said perfectly Shari!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
ReplyDeleteWe are going through a similar scenario with our son, Nicholas. Sometimes the most simple things are taxing. He won't wear his jacket, or socks, or he will refuse to don a hat,(which can be problematic here in Canada.) He takes a lot of time and extra patience and I had very little of either before he entered on my life. Maybe the good Lord is teaching me a few things through my children.
My heart breaks and tears well, when his cousins ask me what is "wrong" with him. He speaks differently and is repetitive and he enjoys his solitude.
Noone has slapped a label on him yet, although they are hard at work trying. I think he'll be OK and I too am easing off on all the appointments and tests.
One day at a time:) Best of luck to you Shari. They are healthy and other than some outburst happy and most of all, THEY ARE OURS!
I love your blogs, Shari. Believe it or not, your honest opinions have made me look at a few things differently. Remember the whole peeing-on-the-tricyle-while-in-the-house episode? I am actually referring to the whole potty training thing. It has made for a more relaxed environment and I thank you for putting it into percpective for me. I have said it before and I will say it again, I think you are amazing.
ReplyDeletePerfectly said! We all don't fit in that perfect little box....I know I don't....and my daughter doesn't either. It makes us unique. Finley has so many little quirks that make her incredibly special and endearing. And you aren't alone.....it takes me 20 minutes to dress Sienna in the morning (actually if Brett doesn't rescue me...MOMMY has the meltdown). Have I mentioned yet that Sienna can't stand dance class? We avoid restaurants because.....well I'll just leave it at that. And what about her crying through an entire song yesterday at the Mother's Tea? It doesn't bother me....it actually makes me swell with pride that she IS different and unique.
ReplyDeleteI love Sabrina Ward Harrison's way of putting it:
The truth is we all ache.
We all have growing pains
and wonder if we are
okay and enough and loved.
The thing is - we are.
Really.
Without our silver shoes
and leopard print sheets.
We are enough without
all the things we buy
to make us much more
than we are or need to be
We are simple
and complex
and Rare
as is.
Finley is simple, and complex and rare just as she is ;)
That poem touched my heart.
ReplyDeleteGoogling Sabrina Ward Harrison...
Oh man, now you have me all teary eyed Ashley!! Thanks you guys. I haven't been to a restaurant with Finley in about a year ;) Today's clothing session took 40 minutes and 2 meltdowns, and the pretend birthday party she held for her doll ended in tears. But SO WHAT? :) Thanks for the poem Ash and all of you for the kind words that say you totally get it, and none of us are alone :) Gita, I feel for you with the hat. All I can say is thank gawd we don't live in a climate where she would need layers ;)
ReplyDeleteWe're a bunch of lucky ladies. :) I actually mean that. :)
I hear you Shari. One of the hardest things I had to learn was not to worry about other people's perceptions and judgements. I am not totally there yet. But, when I am in the grocery store and my son starts screaming and others are staring at me, I am becoming more resilient. So much of our worries are hinged on other's reactions. I am trying to adopt different attitudes, learning one day at a time. Bottom line and of the utmost importance is that our kids feel nurtured and loved. Everyone else with their inquisitive stares can keep it to themselves, (I said that in a nice way, I think:))
ReplyDelete"Is it terrible that a child doesn't want to always play with the other kids?"
ReplyDeleteShe sounds like me! Seriously no joke.
"So, she'll turn out to be an adult that may not be the life of a party, or dancing on tables.."
Maybe you have done enough of that for the two of you for this lifetime?
All jokes aside, I heard once that the point of life is to grow. That's it, that's all. It sounds like you have grown/are growing and that Finley is your teacher. Way to go teach!
All my best,
Oscar
Wow! This really is an amazing post. Funny how we all have so much more in common then we actually think. We are NOT alone!! So what if Elle can't talk like the other kids her age, so what if she still has to have a binky wherever we go (ok, that one actually bugs me a lot), so what if she still isn't fully potty trained. We really need to stop comparing our children, I am so guilty of this!! Especially in regards to her speech issues. Elle is happy and healthy and that's all that should really matter. xoxo
ReplyDeleteAnd, she's beautiful! We are all such lucky mamas! Happy Mother's Day a few days late!
ReplyDelete